apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
