Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
