Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You took a bar mat shot.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
