he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
