Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
