Swine flu. Run for my life!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
