your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
