Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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