The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
