theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
