So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
