he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
