I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
