I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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