They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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