I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
