God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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