and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
