Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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