Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
PANTIES FOUND
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
