everyone is single if you try hard enough
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
