He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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