Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
