I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
