You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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