When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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