Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
