the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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