I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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