when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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