what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
