Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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