i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
