For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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