Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
