so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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