3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
