My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
