I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
