I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
