Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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