Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
