It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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