My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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