After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
