I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
