so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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