Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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