you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
