look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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