I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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