I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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