white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
