But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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