Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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