He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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