all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
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Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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