I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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