i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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