she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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