Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
