I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
