Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
