I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
