We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
