We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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